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Singleness is not Loneliness- 10 Years Single. No Problem

Let’s celebrate our single anniversaries just like couples and marriages celebrate theirs!

Whether it’s a 1 or 50 year anniversary, it’s a celebration of love and commitment. This 10 year anniversary is also a celebration of love and commitment to ourselves.

So why not celebrate my being single for 10 years? This is also a celebration of the love and commitment I show myself and the happiness I’ve created for myself during this time.

When I say single, I mean no long-term relationship.  I’ve had my go around with on-line dating (will never do that again!), meeting through mutual friends, and meeting people at work or school.  All were very short lived and just not right for me. The clarity I have about what I want, allows me the freedom to stay single and happy. I am confident about what I want, and I will not settle. I will not lower my standards and I sure will not allow anyone in my life who doesn’t treat me with the same love and respect I show myself.

My last relationship 10 years ago was a devastating one. My heart was set on someone, but that didn’t work out. Between the heartbreak of being cheated on and the betrayal, came lots of negative feelings towards myself.

What did I do wrong?

Why wasn’t I good enough?

What could I have done different?

I spent more time than I should ruminating over thoughts of inadequacy, being unlovable, and feeling sorry for myself. I finally came to realize I did nothing wrong. This shifted everything for me. Because the truth is I am 100% lovable. YOU are 100% lovable and the person it didn’t work out with just didn’t know how to love us completely. There’s nothing you could have done to make that person love you more. Don’t become bitter or resentful, or worse, waste years waiting on or chasing someone who doesn’t deserve you. Yes, give yourself time to process the loss and come to terms with it. It’s necessary for your wellbeing. Once you do, thank goodness you didn’t end up with them because now you have the opportunity to wait for someone worthwhile. You now have the opportunity to embrace your singleness. Yasss!

Embrace everything about it. Consider this precious alone time, your time. If you’re ready to date, go date. But I suggest you take this time to decide what you really want for yourself. Remember that feelings of loneliness will creep in, especially if you’ve been single for a while. It’s okay to feel this way, you’re human and you crave human connections. What’s important is to not obsess over these feelings or allow them to make you settle for the next person just to be in a relationship. This is also a good time to focus on other relationships that bring you positive feelings, like with family and friends.

This whole embrace my singleness didn’t happen for me overnight. It took me a while to get confident being alone. It’s hard when the society we live in makes us feel like something is wrong with us when we’re not in a romantic relationship, like we’re defective or something- geez! A lot more people are choosing to stay single and I am one of those people. I choose to be single because I know my worth and I don’t mind waiting until I meet the right person who can appreciate it.

So, to my single friends, I know you have everything you need in this moment to be happy. Go travel where you want, go out when you want, make yourself a priority, take yourself on dinner dates and enjoy them, and for God sakes girls, buy yourself the damn flowers! Don’t avoid being single, embrace it instead and see what happens. And until you meet someone who adds value to your life, who inspires you to be better and makes you happier, here’s to our singleness. Cheers!

Follow me on Instagram and  Facebook  @viziontrak and watch my video where I give you the scoop about being single!

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