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Singleness is not Loneliness

Why is being single such a downer for some folks? Why can’t we find a way to embrace a solo lifestyle and enjoy the perks it can offer? We are bound to find our life partner, the right life partner, if we could just be patient. I see way too many people who try and rush things. Oh what the hell, I’ll just say it, way too many people who are desperate to find someone! Their attitude and demeanor, their comments, their boo-hoo, poor me I’m single attitude gives them away. How do I know this? I was one of those people. I had to STOP!

Desperation is unattractive! I’ve experienced it first hand and it’s plain ugly. You get no respect, and you’re certainly not going to get the person you’re after if you continue to act this way. Again, it’s unattractive, a turn-off, and it will definitely not score you points with the secure, confident person who is not in a rush to commit to a relationship. We don’t want a needy, clingy partner, nor do we want to be that partner. We should take our time in considering if the person we’ve just met is the person we have been searching for, someone who is worthy of our time, affection, love, etc. I feel like we rush into finding just any partner because of our fear of being alone, and this needs to change.

I’ve been single for many years, and I’m now at a point where I am not only embracing being single, but loving it. I want to share a few things I learned along the way, hoping it will change your mind about being single, especially if you see it as a negative thing.

Find yourself first
Use this time to work on yourself. Find what really makes you happy, and learn to enjoy being with yourself. Once you have done this, it will be very difficult to allow just anyone into your life. This applies to other areas of life as well. When you know exactly what makes you happy, and what’s truly important, you tolerate less, finding it easier to cut out what doesn’t serve you. You will begin to accept only people and things that add value to your life. Once you find yourself, you are in control of your life.

Do not see yourself as incomplete
You don’t have to have a romantic partner to be “complete.” Thinking this way only increases the chance you will accept less than what you deserve, which in turn may result being in an unhappy relationship. Remember you are complete just as you are! If you are looking for a life partner, find someone who complements you, NOT completes you.

Get a dog  
Dogs are therapy for our souls. I went through a stage of feeling lonely, arriving to an empty house, nothing to do after work, sometimes no one to talk or to hang out with. I felt completely and utterly alone. All this changed when I got my dog. I remember how exciting it was just preparing to bring Diesel home. It gave me something to love, and it also made me more active since this particular breed needed a lot of exercise. I started walking, running, and hiking with my dog. It became a habit to do all these activities and in still doing so, I feel I’m honoring my dog for the gifts he provided. He provided company and comfort when I needed it most. This dog is no longer with me, but it was Diesel, my Alaskan Malamute that got me out of my funk and the reason I started to feel alive again and not lonely. And when I had another break up or rough patches, he was there to keep me from going into those dark moments we never want to stay in too long. It’s true when they say: “My rescue dog rescued me.” Obviously, it doesn’t need to be a rescue dog, but getting a dog can give us a sense of emotional wellbeing and it’s one of the most therapeutic, healthy and magical things you can do for yourself if you have the time to dedicate to a dog. I now have two smaller dogs to love and care for and it’s very rewarding. And I promise your dog will not mind if you are weird, awkward, or broken. They only know how to love you! They will love you unconditionally. *Please only consider getting a dog if you have the time, money and patience. Dogs are family and should be treated as such!

Life does not start or end with finding a partner
At this point in my life, it is really difficult to imagine what the rest of my life would look like with a life partner. So I just don’t give it much thought anymore. There are too many other worthy things to spend “life” on. Don’t allow society to dictate or rush you into a relationship just because “You’re not getting any younger,” or out of fear of being alone. There are so many worthwhile things we can do to enjoy life being single. Take up a hobby, travel, volunteer, join groups, spend more time with friends and family, learn a new language. Have something instead of someone consuming your time. Do whatever you need to improve yourself and get to a point where you love yourself and your alone time so much that it’s only worth having a partner if they add value to it. I’m living proof that singleness is not loneliness, and the sooner you understand this, the sooner you will enjoy the perks!

Soon, I will be posting a How to Take Yourself Out on a Date blog, because let’s face it, we can’t wait forever for someone else to take us! Stay tuned friends.

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