This is frustrating to hear from young, smart, competent women. It’s also something I love to coach on because most of the young women I work with are in their 20’s and there is so much room, not only for growth but to change this mindset.
Have you ever said,
“But I’m not confident enough.”
“I cant.”
“I don’t know how.”
“It’s too difficult.”
I remember I used to say this all the time when I was younger. While there are some things that are in fact too difficult, there are also things that are within our reach.
Courage
Before I get too deep into this courage stuff, let me say with 100% certainty that your lack of courage does not determine or define your future! Lucky for you, courage is a skill. And the more you develop it, the more courage you will build. This is where you’ll gain massive confidence.
If you’re afraid of something, it’s normal because fear helps protect us. It’s a scientific fact. Basically fear keeps us alert to danger and it prepares us to deal with it. On the other hand, fear is not your friend when it prevents you from doing something with your life or from taking action on something you want to achieve. So we must find ways to overcome it.
Name It
First, you start by identifying what the fear is.
What are you afraid of?
What fear or fears hold you back and keep you stuck?
For me, it was really difficult to admit that I was afraid of people judging me. Everything I didn’t do was because I was afraid of what people might think of me. There is no shame in naming your fear and owning it. This way it’s easier to manage and start building the courage necessary to overcome the fear.
Minimize It
Second, how can you minimize this fear? This will depend on what the fear is. For example, a lot of my clients are afraid of asking for a raise.
Ask yourself this: How much money are you losing out on? Sometimes seeing what you are losing or missing out on is the motivator you need to take action and overcome a fear. You will be happy you took action, that you were brave enough to ask, brave enough to speak to that crush you’ve been terrified of speaking to. When your mindset shifts from ‘I can’t’ or ‘what if it doesn’t work’ to ‘what if it does work’, ‘what if people do talk to me and like me,’ and ‘what if I succeed and get that raise,’ that’s when your courage is talking.
And last thing, when you see someone being courageous, it doesn’t mean they are fearless. It means they are doing what they need to, in spite of the fear. It means they wanted something bad enough to take the risk. I want you to have the courage to take that first step toward your goals or the vision you have for yourself.
Still afraid? Feel the fear and do it anyway. You ARE confident enough!
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